ROOMIES

© 2003 Lisa Morton

(Lights come up to reveal KATHERINE sitting alone in a living room, trying to read a fashion magazine although she's plainly agitated, keeps glancing at her watch, at the front door, waiting. Finally the door opens and KIM enters, just coming home from work but already in a hurry to go out again)

KATHERINE: Hi...

KIM (striding past her, heading for another door): Oh, hi.

KATHERINE: You going out again tonight?

KIM: Yeah, Norm's playing at the coffeehouse. Can you believe it?

KATHERINE: Whose Norm?

KIM: Katherine, Norm - you know, that drummer I love.

KATHERINE: Drummer... you mean a man who beats on dead animal skins and calls it music.

KIM: Well... yeah.

KATHERINE: I approve then. Are you bringing him back here after?

KIM: I don't know, probably. Did you have someone - I mean, something - planned?

KATHERINE: No... can we talk first?

KIM: Gee, Katherine, I'm already late. He'll kill me if I miss his first song...

KATHERINE: It's kind of important.

(KIM sighs and sits down)

KIM: Sure. What's going on?

KATHERINE: Whose turn is it to do the dishes tonight?

KIM: Oh, I know, but... look, I promise I'll do them tomorrow -

KATHERINE: They're hatching things, Kim.

KIM: I'm really sorry, I -

KATHERINE (cutting her off): And who was supposed to do the bathroom this week?

KIM (making a face): I know, I was. Tomorrow's Saturday, a whole day off, once I get rid of Norm I promise I'll clean the apartment from floor to ceiling...

KATHERINE: Don't bother. I already cleaned the bathroom.

KIM: You did?

KATHERINE: Yeah. Don't suppose you can tell me what that stuff all over the floor next to the tub was.

KIM: Uh... stuff?

KATHERINE: Looked kinda like blood, Kim.

KIM: Oh, that stuff. Yeah, I - uh - cut myself shaving.

(KATHERINE reaches behind her and comes up with a towel gigantically streaked with crimson)

KATHERINE: Heckuva razor nick, Kim.

(KIM gapes, then laughs nervously)

KIM: Looks like I hit an artery, huh?

KATHERINE: Uh-huh. What's going on here? You go out almost every night, you come home after I've gone to bed, you probably think I don't hear you but I do. I know you didn't come home alone last night. I heard a male voice, Kim.

KIM (takes a deep breath, then): You're right, and I've been meaning to talk to you about it...

KATHERINE: All I'm really worried about is that when we moved in together, we both agreed to certain things - like a cleaning schedule - and I just feel as if you're not honoring that. You didn't even clean up the stuff in the kitchen, Kim. You left me with a sinkful of bloody cutlery. It's hard enough to scrub up after my own little crimes. I don't think I should have to worry about disposing of your evidence, too.

KIM: I feel really bad. I'm gonna make it up to you, Katherine, I promise.

KATHERINE: It's okay. Go on, go out and do the little drummer boy. Just use a little common sense, be careful, and try to spread some plastic sheeting around the tub this time, okay?

KIM: Okay. Thanks, Katherine. You're the best. (She starts to leave, then) Maybe we could do one together some night.

(KIM starts to leave)

KATHERINE: Oh, Kim...

(KIM stops and turns)

KATHERINE: Today's the third. The rent's due.

KIM: Uh... not any more.

KATHERINE: What do you mean?

KIM: Last night, the voice you heard, the mess around the bathtub... it was the landlord.

KATHERINE (smiling): Wow. Talk about rent control. (A beat, then) I don't think that drummer'll ever know what hit him.

(KIM smiles and exits, and KATHERINE follows her off).

 

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